My New Life

I'm back after a long break! It feels great to be blogging again but I am happy that I decided to take a break from all kinds of social networking media. It has been a refreshing two-month break from Facebook and I do not plan to return. I have had enough of people- watching and laying out my life in the open for others to see. Of course I am aware of the numerous benefits of networking sites, but I have reached a point in my life where I feel I cannot relate to the "socializing" anymore.

This post is not a critique about technology, the internet or social media, nor is it an attempt to recapture the readers of this blog who have been guessing the reason behind my absence. I have decided to blog when I have something new to say regardless of the readership of my blog. The number of posts, challenges and prompts don't seem to matter now. And I am not going to visit all the blogs in the universe to increase the viewership of my blog. I feel that I want to do things just for the pure joy I get out of it. Whether I am appreciated or not, criticized or not.

Competition and comparison have become very much part of our lives that often we fail to do things we truly desire. We forgo many of our pleasures just to seem "alright" or "normal". I have changed a lot as an individual in the last two months. I have made major changes in my lifestyle that I know are in the positive direction. I will definitely share my learning in this space. So if you are still interested and decide to follow Words from My Heart and Head, thank you :)

I have also started working with an organisation as a facilitator of learning. Yes! I am doing what I love a lot- teaching and learning. I will also be blogging or painting when I feel I need to express my thoughts and feelings. I will be living in close connection with nature (reviving those lost ties), rediscovering the joy of a clutter free, simple life and focusing on healthy, organic living.

These desires of my heart had been lying dormant in an environment of family and friends caught in a mad race to attain "success" or "the best life" the quality of which none really is sure about. But I have finally found the courage to stand by my convictions and to live life the way I want to regardless of what other people may think or say. I had been toying with the idea of turning Vegan for the past two years but I have finally begun that journey. It has not been easy at all, to convince "well meaning" family members about my right to have a choice.

I notice that my writing is a little rusty and needs a little oiling. So see you soon with another post. I would love to hear from you, but will definitely understand if you remain silent. I will still keep building this space with words :) Have a great weekend.

Zestful

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Rohan carried the tray with crispy, buttery masala dosas and filter coffee to the table where Tara sat waiting. “I can’t believe we are catching up on our lives after almost a decade!” He found it strange that he felt immensely happy to bump into his long lost friend who had meant the world to him not too long ago. He felt a pang of guilt for letting their friendship fade with time.

They talked animatedly stopping in between only to savour the delicious dosas and piping hot coffee. Tara reminded him of those days when they had been extremely eager to do many things in life. “Do you remember the promise we made by the lake?” When he seemed puzzled, she reminded him.

“We had vowed never to lose the zest to live. We had promised to keep in touch with our silliest of wishes and passions and to never get bogged down by hurdles. You remember?” Tara was bubbling with an excitement and energy level that he felt he couldn't catch up with. He learned that she had followed her heart living all her dreams, taking up challenges with a smile, never belittling her resilience.

He felt tired to chase those dreams now. He felt old. Having settled for a comfortable desk job he had seen everything else in life as a burden. He had always chosen the easier route and compromised on his dreams. Every situation had been just a problem to be solved.

But now in a little coffee shop talking to her, he wondered if he had lived or just existed. Tara, the bubbly teen who he had once loved secretly, who he had rejected for fear of her optimism that he thought was blinding, had just made him fall in love again. With her, with life and with himself.

P.S: Today I have successfully completed the Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z challenge. It has been one hell of a journey with crazy moments, a true roller coaster. More than the destination, I enjoyed the happiness that the journey brought- the tiny ups and downs, the friendships that it fostered, the lessons I learnt, the confidence I gathered and some amazing blogs I read. A big thank you to my fellow bloggers and my readers :) Cheers to zestful living!

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Crumbled Dreams

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The dark depths beneath rumbled
the ground shook, I tumbled
stricken by disaster, in panic I stared
at nature, her fury now bared.

Looking around I saw just rubble
happiness and peace a broken bubble
anxious faces stained by tears
and burdened with unending fears.

A sea we formed out on streets
unannounced came those deadly beats,
menacing tremors spread far and wide
like much loved gossip that never died.

Bungalow and building, hut and tent
toppled and leaning, broken and bent
wealthy and wise, arrogant and humble
in unison watched all dreams crumble.

P.S : My heart goes out to all the victims of the recent quake. I hope they find the inner strength to battle all odds and start afresh.


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Unsure

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Bhumika bit her lip and glanced at her watch as she walked back and forth on the platform. Suddenly there was a deafening hoot and before she could calm herself down, the Kerala Express to New Delhi chugged into the station and screeched to a halt. She looked out through the window at her parents after stowing her luggage. Her father seemed to know exactly how she felt. Anxious and unsure.

“Don’t worry, you will be fine. And we are just a call away” he tried to reassure her. She exhaled deeply in the hope of releasing some of her anxiety about what the future in an alien land had in store for her. She waved till she lost sight of them as the train sped away. She had been excited upon clearing the interview and gaining admission into one of the best colleges in the country but when it was time to leave the comforts of her home town and family, she wasn't sure she could cope.

She thought back to the day she had learned to cycle. Her father used to support her by holding on to the back of the seat while she tried to pedal. Initially she would keep turning back to look at him but soon she was sure of her father’s presence behind her. It had made her confident. Then one day, she had cycled quite a distance before she realised that her father had quietly let go. But he was there watching over her.

As the train stopped at the next station, she felt her muscles easing up. She felt the invisible presence of her parents, ready to hold her hand whenever she needed them. As always, it made her confident.

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Now

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In this journey

together bound by love

Where hope steers us ahead

and memories leave a trail

Now is all we have my dear

to live, laugh and love

And do it all over again

like there’s nothing after

Let’s celebrate life

the journey we embarked on

The beauty around and within

to be savoured, nurtured

Moments lived fully

make great memories

And ignite the flames

of happiness and peace.

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Nostalgia

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After spending fifteen years in the Gulf, we returned to our native village in Kerala. The naalukettu looked exactly the same, though the surroundings were now dotted with new buildings and houses. I walked over to the swing that hung from the Gulmohur tree. It was wet from the early morning showers.

I sat clutching the sturdy coir ropes enjoying the gentle swing back and forth. The bright red flowers let go of the cool drops of rain they held. They awakened within me a feeling of nostalgia, a sudden longing for my past that now seemed  to be so perfect. It was as if each drop wanted to remind me of a story long forgotten. Under my feet lay a thousand red petals of the Gulmohur on a carpet of green grass.

It was many years ago on a similar morning that I met Madhavan. He used to walk past our house every day wearing a crisp white mundu and checked shirt. An occasional glance gave way to smiles and soon we started meeting at the nearby temple, spending endless hours under the sacred Peepal tree. Life seemed so perfect, with Madhavan as the hero of my love story.

I was jolted back to reality when he waved from the other side of the brick wall. “How have you been?” he queried with a smile.

“Fine.”

There was an awkward silence before I headed into the house saying “It is going to rain.”

How could I face him, having given in like a coward to the pressure from my family to marry a rich man working in the Middle East? I drifted back in time to sweet memories untainted by the bitterness of my marriage.

Naalukettu - Traditional house in Kerala

Mundu - A garment worn by people in south India

Gulmohur - A flowering tree

Peepal - Sacred fig tree




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Love

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Being in love is the most amazing feeling I have ever known. Just a fleeting thought of my loved one brings so much joy and hope that I feel I’m living a dream. I have heard of love at first sight, friendship that turns into love, love that blossoms during adversity and so many other kinds of love. But this, it is so very different. Can you think of being in love with someone you have never met or known?

Well that’s the kind of relationship I am in. Love that took just a few seconds to happen. And once it did, I fell headlong into it. Love that grows day by day. Love that needs no words or gestures. Love that needs no proof. Love that keeps hopes alive. Above all, love that is truly unconditional.

My heart beats for him; he fills my thoughts throughout the day. He is in my dreams at night. He fuels me with optimism. He knows each and every breath of mine. I am his world and he is a part of me. Whoever said that falling in love makes you fluttery inside was not lying.

I am in love with the little one I cradle within me. I am in love with this journey to motherhood. I know for sure that this love will last forever. 





P.S:- All my posts for the A to Z challenge are works of fiction. Please don't congratulate me after reading this post!! ;)

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The Entrance

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I could feel my heart thumping and beads of perspiration sliding down my forehead as I took a deep breath and stepped onto the metallic rail that slithered into the night. My body stiffened as I saw a beam of light emerging from the tunnel. 

“This is it” I thought as I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the train to wipe me out into the darkness.  The noise was deafening as the train came roaring towards me but as it died down I realised that I had been waiting on the wrong track. I stood there frozen, at the entrance to my second life.





This piece of Five Sentence Fiction was penned for the topic Entrance at Lillie McFerrin Writes

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Brave

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Her heart swelled with pride as she watched her daughter picking vegetables from their small but well-kept garden. She thought of the little one as the greatest blessing in her life, her sole companion. They lived in a very small house amidst the lush greenery of a small village in the Western Ghats, but even with the limited resources, they lived a life of happiness and endless love.

She ran a small tailoring unit where she sat for hours together, cutting up cloth and making garments along with two other women she had employed. She grew vegetables, kept a few hens and taught neighbouring children in the evenings. Her daughter too pitched in to help though she was all but twelve.

It had been brave of her to stick to her decision of keeping her baby knowing that the journey of an unwed mother was going to be an arduous one. Her parents had cajoled, threatened and finally disowned her to save themselves from embarrassment and public disgrace. Her boyfriend had asked her to be practical. But she knew she was a fighter who would never give up. Not even if it meant the end of her education, luxurious life and the comfort of loving relationships.

She never regretted her choice. In fact she was even more determined to build a new life from scratch with her daughter. Her mind never once wavered even upon being tortured by wagging tongues. She fought her way through life like a brave warrior, without doubts, never turning back.

As her girl came in with a basket full of freshly picked greens, they shared a hug and headed to the kitchen. There was work to be done.

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Alive

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It had been just a few days since she got the news of her incurable illness from her physician. It had taken a while for the seriousness of the matter to sink in and finally she had managed to croak “How much time do I have?” to which the doctor, after a few moments of deep thought had replied “A few months if you are lucky.”

In those few days her world had turned upside down and every moment was punctuated by “Why me?” a question with no clear answer. It made her look back at the life she had lived. Had she really lived for herself? She found herself struggling to recollect times when she had followed her heart, doing things for her own happiness outside the expectations from her family. Who was she now? A wife? Mother? What did she love to do? What did she dream of? She was surprised that she couldn't remember.

She rummaged through her cupboard and found her guitar. It seemed like an object from another life. She dusted it and tested the strings. It felt a little awkward, holding it after ages but as she began strumming, her confusions melted away. She soon lost herself in the rhythm. She played like never before, reminiscing the days she when she used to perform for an applauding crowd. The musical notes swept through her, filling her with life and happiness. It was the most perfect moment of her life. She knew she was dying, yet she felt alive like never before.





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Reasons to Smile

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I've heard it’s a bad world out there

filled with people who don’t care,

with not a trace of goodness left,

hopes murdered by treachery and theft.

But a fleeting smile on a stranger’s face,

a hand to clasp on gloomy days,

tears of joy, someone to befriend

a heart that awaits sorrow’s end,

blossoming love in differences stark,

a burning candle in the darkest of dark,

fiercely kept promises, never forgotten,

the tender touch of a child begotten,

patterned doodles on new painted walls,

space on the bed for the bears and dolls,

a love-struck couple on a romantic date

and words of apology, sincere even if late

tell my heart to bring forth the smiles

that will surely see me through miles;

I believe there’s goodness everywhere

if only to see them we show some care.

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P.S : My list of reasons to smile is endless, just shared a few. Keep Smiling :)

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A Friend For Life

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A new found friend

you stepped in to blend

with my life, to win

my heart and reside within.

Over cups of tea

our thoughts flowed free,

occasionally trapped

within love notes wrapped.

You came to my door

and offered nothing more

than a tender stroke of my hair

promising a lifetime of care.

A man of words very few

a heart full of love so new,

you rarely needed words

to bridge our different worlds.

In simple silence you waved

a magic wand I craved

to create new cheer

with someone so dear.

Akin to sky and land

sometimes, water and sand

different we may be

but so are lock and key.

At every day’s start

I seek a promise from my heart

for a special place to keep

this friendship so deep.




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Before I Kick the Bucket

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Dreams, I feel fuel life, a well lived life. Being the planned person I am, listing out things I like to do gives me a sense of purpose in life. I believe in doing things that I love to do, whether it appeals to others or not, follows trends of society or not. I have a really long bucket list ready and I keep going back to it, crossing out what I have already achieved and experienced, sometimes adding new ones to the list. This list of mine includes the simplest of things that give immense joy (like watching the sun rise above the horizon as I sip tea with my husband, making a sand castle in a beach) as well as other things like travel that require serious planning. Whatever be the case, each one is special and important to me and so I found it really difficult to pick just five from them.But here they are and they pretty much define what kind of a person I am. So here they are:

To be an urban farmer and having a small organic farm or garden without doubt tops my bucket list. I’m a passionate over of all things green and natural, and dream of living amidst greenery. I would love to experience the joy of picking fresh, home grown, chemical-free produce for my kitchen. I have inherited the green thumb from my dad and even with the severe space constraints I’m faced with presently, I manage to have a really small organic terrace garden. I would love to have a green patch of land (that seems a luxury these days) to unwind with my family.

Working for underprivileged children is something I feel is one of my missions in life. I want to contribute to society with the skills that I possess, most importantly my passion for teaching and interacting with children. The two years I worked as a teacher at an NGO, I can easily say has been the best part of my career that taught me valuable lessons. I wish to take it forward and dedicate the rest of my career to this cause. Some things just cannot be bought with money. It is absolutely true in the case of the satisfaction I get by teaching children from deprived backgrounds. I wish to continue to make a difference in others' lives by doing something meaningful. This will also help me realize another dream of mine, which is to be a lifelong learner.

A Jungle safari and a camp in the wild are next on my list. I would love to experience the thrill of being in the wilderness. Living in a tent, hiking, staying in tree houses, spotting wild animals and the like really appeal to me. I would love to explore North East India, savouring its unspoiled beauty.

Someday, I wish to experience rural life. I certainly have plans to experience the charming simplicity of life in rural India. I am a big fan of all things simple, so I dream of spending a few weeks in a mud house tucked away in a village, befriending the locals and learning a thing or two from them. I want to taste a life with minimal needs, away from busy city life, being in touch with nature, having all the time in the world to chat with neighbours, sleep under a starry sky and maybe, fly kites and climb trees.

For this last one I know I have miles to go, but I sincerely hope one day I have at least a book to my credit. My journey as a blogger has just begun, but I’m dreaming big. I intend to write a book that people will hold close to their heart- a book with words that make my readers smile, laugh and cry from the heart. 

Written for Indiblogger (Indi Happy Hours) in association with IDBI Federal Lifesurance Whole Life - Befikar Umar Bhar 

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Life Lesson

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The smiles I found

on faces around

That glint in the eye

like a star in the sky

The whys, the whens

The hows and the thens……

The voices crystal clear

Unspoilt by fear

The rise after a fall

like it was nothing at all

The dainty hand

dotted by sand……

Taught me how to live-

to love, laugh and forgive.

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P.S- Working as a teacher has been one of the most enriching experiences in my life. To all my children who have taught me a lesson or two.

I am participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge