Remorse

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I listened to the ticking of the bedside clock in the dead silence of the night, each repetitive beat filling me with fresh guilt, ache and remorse. How I wished to travel back in time to that careless moment, erase it and then change the course of events to a much happier ending. In that case it wouldn't have been an ending but a new beginning.

I  understood very well the futility of these thoughts that haunted me every night, waiting to play in my head when I was alone. They were as meaningless as the desperation of an archer to take back the arrow he had shot. Like my wish to take back the tears I had shed. The words I had spoken. Perhaps my wounds were destined to remain raw and unhealed.

Words. They are so powerful, sometimes soothing and capable of healing. At other times hurting and capable of wounding. Little had I known this when I spat out words that pierced his heart like daggers. What had started off as a small difference of opinion soon snow-balled into a major fight. He chose to be silent but I spewed venom, coercing him to join the verbal duel.

Being his wife, I knew well what would hurt him. When he could take it no more, he walked out of our home. I felt triumphant and waited for his return to celebrate my victory. Little did I realise that I had lost him forever. The clock ticked away and the world moved on but I was sucked deeper and deeper into the bottomless pit of remorse.



P.S: This is my 100th post! I'm on top of the world. Feeling proud of my 8 month old journey :) A huge thank you to each one of my readers. I hope you continue the support and that I can keep up to your expectations!



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Jealous

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Helen

Tonight is the grand finale of the much hyped Fashion Week which will see film stars and celebrities of the glamour world. I stare at my reflection as the make-up artist smears rouge on my cheeks. I am beautiful, easily the best model in the industry apart from Kate. But in a couple of hours that will be taken care of. She will no longer be a distraction.

Cythilicus is a powdery material obtained by drying rose petals in the dark and scraping their surface with a blade. It triggers itching upon contact with body parts which can last up to a few hours. I have managed to get hold of it in time for the finale.

Kate

Tonight is special. I have been the show stopper on most of the ramps I have walked. Today it is no different. There is a reason why I am a crowned beauty. My passion and years of dedicated hard work, nothing else. Whatever shortcuts she takes, Helen is not going to be able to change that.

Cythilicus can cause severe itches but I sincerely hope she recovers soon. I slip into another gown, and smile at my reflection. It was a well-planned “last minute swap” with Helen. She was caught unaware as Kevin, whose signature collection we are here to flaunt, and I gave her the news just before the show began. Funnily, the gown she will be wearing is a deep green.

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Fear

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Thirty two pairs of curious eyes followed me as I walked across the classroom on my first day of school. It was the middle of the term and I was taking the place of a teacher who had resigned. “Good morning, how are you feeling today?” I asked. The children seemed to be puzzled. Nevertheless, they answered “Fine ma’am, thank you.” I could see that they were exchanging glances, their eyes communicating in a language I could not fathom. Were they up to some trouble?

Since it was the first day I wasn't too keen on beginning a lesson. First, I needed to get to know them and make them feel comfortable. So with a smile, I started asking their names and things they liked. The tension in the air was palpable. Some of the kids didn't even look at me in the eye. Did they have trouble accepting me as their new teacher?

Things continued this way for a few more days though we were well into our Math lessons. I didn't give up hope. Then one day the unexpected happened.

“Akanksha!” I called out to a girl in my class.

“Yyyes ma’am…..ma’am I am sorry. Please ma’am. I will learn up.” She was trembling, her words reflecting some hidden fear.

“But what are you sorry for?” It was my turn to be confused.

She looked down without answering when a boy spoke up “Please don’t use that stick ma’am.”

I followed the boy’s gaze and saw a cane on the windowsill. I picked it up and threw it in the bin. “We don’t need this.” I smiled.

Suddenly the clouds of fear parted and I saw sunny faces. I was sure that the rest of the term would be full of fun and learning.





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