Let’s talk

I have always believed strongly in the benefits of open dialogue and conversations with people right from childhood. It not only helps us share ideas, sort out messes, but also creates warmth between people, sometimes forging strong bonds that last a lifetime. As a child I have had infinite conversations with my parents (especially my mother) that have shaped me into what I am today. And as a teacher too I was able to partake in so many such open talks with my students that have made the bonds between us unbreakable. These informal talks vary greatly in their purpose, content, age of the student and duration. Many a time they have helped us solve problems (either mine or the student’s), bring out hidden potentials, console, encourage, cooperate and clarify. Often, they appeared pointless and unproductive superficially but beneath the layers of numerous spoken and unspoken words was the desire to share feelings, thoughts and worries with a loved one. Yes, just plain sharing sometimes lightens the heart and brings so much cheer that the problem itself becomes insignificant.

Sharing some of them here.

Image courtesy: Google

Student: Vidya Akka, I want to talk to you.

Me: Is it urgent? What is it about?

Student (Hesitant): Err..not in front of others.

Me: Sure. Feel free to come to me whenever you have time.

Student: Thanks Akka. Next hour?

Me: Let me check my time-table. Hmm…..yeah I’m free, you will find me with some books on one of the benches in the playground.

The student leaves with a smile and comes back promptly the next hour.

Me: Hi, come and sit.

Student (looking away from me): I did something very bad.

Me: So you did something, but now you feel it wasn’t right.

Student: Yes Akka.

Me: Ok. What did you do?

Student: I browsed some “dirty sites” on the internet and now when I open my books to study I get easily distracted. I want to study well, but feel like seeing them again.

I was a little surprised. Yes, not shocked or angry. Surprised, because I had never expected a boy in his teens to share with his female teacher things that were usually kept secret among friends. At the same time I also felt glad because one, the boy realized he had done something he did not want to do, two, he was honest enough to confide in an adult whom he trusted and three, he still had not lost his focus and wanted to work hard.

Me: Don’t worry. It is quite normal for a child of your age to be curious. There is nothing wrong in what you felt or did. It DOES NOT mean that you are a bad person. You are growing into a young man, so your body, mind, emotions and relations evolve. It is quite natural. You may have noticed many changes yourself by now. Right?

Student (now looking at my face and smiling): Yes Akka. I thought you will scold me. I went to the computer lab when no one was there and ……

Me: It does not matter now, does it? I don’t want to know. But just remember that it is not allowed in school. Got to follow school rules right? Of course, I don’t have a say in what you do outside school but you have seen it for yourself. Not being able to focus…

Student: I will not do it again. I feel good talking to you.

Me: Sure. Try not to. Not in school. Remember that some of what you see or read may totally misguide you. If your friends are doing it, you could tell them too. Adolescence is a truly wonderful period in one’s life. New burst of energy and creativity, new ideas and points of view, exploring oneself and others…..make sure you make the best of it. And enjoy whatever you feel…the adventures, the crushes, the jokes..everything...just stop to think once in a while..

Student (laughing): Beautiful girls, crush….

Me(teasing): I know who you are talking about!

Student: Akka!!! Really??

Me: Yeah, don’t worry, it’s our secret.

Student: But how? When? Who told you?

Me(winking): Even I was once a teen you see.

Student: Thanks for talking to me Akka. I feel better. Bye, I have class now.

Me:  No regrets, no guilt. You are a nice guy a good student too. Bye.

(Coming soon…another interesting conversation!)

Celebrating love

Red roses, love notes and an occasional kiss and hug. Gifts of handmade cards, paintings and sketches, candies and toffees. Very often, to add a traditional touch, fragrant jasmine flowers to embellish my black curls. No they were not from my boyfriend (who is now my husband). They were all from the children I taught. It was literally like celebrating Valentine’s Day every day! Given with a lavish dose of love and affection, it was really difficult to say “no” to the eager kids who would peep into the office room early in the morning, waiting for their favourite teachers.

I was one of the earliest to reach school. An extreme obsession about punctuality that sometimes infringed upon insanity. As I walked down the way to school many children, babies to teens would join me and soon we would be a chattering mob marching through the school gates. Children would run up to me and give me flowers they enthusiastically plucked that morning. Roses (from their parents’ flower laden carts), Bottle brushes (a flower true to its name), Jasmine, Hibiscus, Marigold and what not! Some insisted that I wear it on my head immediately. The slightest hesitation on my part would have serious repercussions. No, not sulking and crying. The flower would be snatched and forcefully thrust into my locks. I had no right to protest. Just for this time of the day, they were the teachers and I, a meek student. I did not even want to picture myself with roses, jasmines, leaves happily perched on my head.

So after all the pampering, I headed to my class looking (and smelling) like a puja room or wedding hall if you like it. But the kids thought I was beautiful. The more flowers I had, the better I looked. Throughout the day- during break time or a free hour, children would check the back of my head to see if I had dared to take away the flowers given with tonnes of love. At these times I often remembered my mother, aunts and grandmother and the struggle they had to go through to make us cousins (the girls’ gang) wear some flowers on our heads during festive occasions. I hated the fragrance of jasmines or rather its stench. Over the course of the day they turned brown and presented a pathetic sight. Yuck! How I hated flowers in my hair. How proud I felt when my mother let out an exasperated “do whatever you want” when I refused to accept flowers. And now these kids had absolute control over me. They had the “childlike innocence” advantage.

 Some days I would take them off my hair and put it in my bag. Imagine walking around in jeans with a floral helmet! I didn’t have the heart to throw them.  I would often wonder what to do with them. At the end of the academic year, I had a box full of dried flowers. A potpourri of the children’s feelings for me. Something I can keep revisiting when life seems boring or difficult. Opening the box unleashes the scent of sweet memories in which I can drift along, feeling loved. I don’t need Valentine’s Day.

Bringing in more sensitivity in celebrations

We Indians boast of an unparalleled rich and diverse culture with great pride. The infinite festivals celebrated across the length and breadth of the country all through the year are vibrant manifestations of this cultural richness and diversity. Festivals break the monotony of the mundane chores we get engaged with in daily life. So aptly they are a treat to the senses- the bright colours, lights and shimmer, the sounds, smells and tastes.

However they have an ugly side too, that stealthily but definitely threatens our environment and fellow beings on this planet. The copious amount of waste generated, noise, smoke generated during such celebrations poison our environment often culminating in irreparable damage. Taking a closer look at our activities during such occasions will help us identify  potential threats and adopt an alternative strategy that is eco-friendly and at the same time maintains the festive spirit.

·         Bursting of crackers

In India, most festivals are celebrated by bursting crackers, lighting sparklers, flower pots etc. Though they look magnificent against the night sky, they pollute the air with smoke and soot. Many metal salts are added during their making to give various colours. The noise produced disturbs children, the elderly and animals. It disturbs sleep and even causes hypertension and respiratory disorders. After the festival, streets are strewn with the harmful trash generated by crackers. Apart from the pollution they cause, many firework factories employ children who face many occupational hazards.

Alternative: Families can resolve to stop the use of crackers and fireworks. Children will surely understand, most often it is adults who need convincing. Instead, families and neighbourhoods can get together and enjoy a night of singing and dancing. Older people too can be involved in sharing stories and traditions with the young.

·         Use of artificial colours and dyes

Who can enjoy Holi without colours? Diwali too is incomplete without colourful rangolis. But what if those colours were deceptive masks worn by deadly chemicals hazardous to humans, capable of triggering a host of health issues? At the end of a Holi celebration we get bathed in harmful dyes that can even cause cancer. A huge quantity of water gets wasted and the water balloons amount to non-biodegradable waste that pollutes the soil.

Alternative:  Use natural and organic colours like haldi, henna etc. Tone down the excitement to use buckets of water to mix colours. Be creative and dye your clothes with plant extracts for a change.

·         Immersion of idols in water bodies

During festivals like Durga Puja and Ganesh Chaturthi thousands of  painted idols of deities are immersed in ponds, lakes and rivers along with flowers, plastic garlands, glittering decorations and even food items. Idols made of plaster of Paris pollute the water and alter its chemical properties. The colours from these idols leach out harmful chemicals, dyes and even heavy metal salts. Plastic waste is non-biodegradable and chokes aquatic life. The flowers, leaves and other puja items rot in the water and serve as ideal breeding grounds for microbes that either spread diseases or reduce the oxygen content of the water body. Needless to say the lake/pond or river chokes to death.

Alternative: Encourage children and others in the family to make unbaked clay idols (as DIY craft projects) that can be immersed in a pail of water or nearby water body without causing pollution. Idols can even be reused every year. It also teaches children to be environment conscious individuals.

·         Wastage of electricity

Festivals and fairs witness indiscriminate use of electricity to light up homes, streets, halls etc. Loud music throughout the day has become the norm. To compensate for the overuse, power cuts become frequent after a festival.

Alternative: Use a small number of oil lamps, candles or energy saving LEDs for lighting. Use lighting only when necessary.

Generation of trash

The clean up after a festival, be it in a home, street or locality yields piles of mixed wastes that cannot be recycled or reused. The waste piles contain leftover food, flowers and leaves from pujas, paper and plastic cups, plates and spoons, decoration, cardboard boxes of sweets, clothes and gifts, gift wraps etc. Even during national festivals, plastic flags and sweet wrappers litter schools and offices.

Alternative: A little thought on what is really needed and what can be avoided prior to the festival will reduce a lot of waste. Reusable plates and glasses or eco-friendly plates can be used. Puja thalis can be reused. Decorations can be made from materials available at home. If we take that extra step to segregate the wastes, it will be easier to recycle them. Wastage of food can be avoided by taking and serving small helpings. Flowers, leaves and vegetable wastes can be composted. Involving children is the best way to spread the idea of Reducing, Reusing and Recycling.

Meaningless usage of edible items in rituals

Be it turmeric smeared rice used as akshate ( for blessing) or ash gourds filled with red dye that are smashed during Ayudh Puja, many rituals make use of food items that later get wasted. At a time when the world population and declining agriculture is driving us towards food crisis, it is certainly not acceptable to continue following such traditions where precious food gets wasted.

Alternative: Revisit ancient customs and rituals instead of mindlessly following them. May be they were relevant in olden days. Find out their relevance in the present scenario.

Useless gifts

Gifting is very common during festivals. Gifts are purchased thoughtlessly and exchanged during Navarathri, Diwali, Christmas etc. Most of them lie unused or tucked away in a cupboard only to be trashed later. 

Alternative: Meaningful gifts that encourage environment friendly thought and behaviour can be given like books, plants or saplings. These need not be wrapped in plastic or paper, reducing the burden on or planet. Donate old clothes to the needy. Refrain from buying new clothes unless absolutely necessary.

Unhealthy eating

Festivals are inevitably linked to feasting. A great number of delicacies are cooked at home or bought from outside. Sweets with artificial colours, deep fried snacks and dishes bathed in oil and ghee look very tempting and inviting. In a country that is on its way to being the capital of all lifestyle disorders, this is an unhealthy trend.

Alternative: Healthy and tasty meals can be prepared at home. People should eat keeping in mind their lifestyle and health. Instead of sharing sweets, healthy recipes can be tried out and shared.

Unnecessary splurging

During festivals, people compete with others in the apartment/locality for putting up the best display/decoration/ meal. In the process a lot of money and material gets wasted. A lot of money gets wasted in buying new clothes, home decor and a list of not so necessary items. People often indulge in impulsive buying due to discount sales and offers during festival time.

Alternative: Get together as a group to celebrate festivals. Families can together make a single display (be it a christmas tree, golu, pookalam or rangoli) that will save time, money and materials. It will also foster friendships and spread the message of sharing. Plan a visit with loved ones to a nearby shelter or orphanage. Spread the spirit of the festival by sharing your time and gifts with them. Such humanitarian acts are the best ways to inculcate in children and youngsters important values which adults often complain are lacking.

So this festive season, let your creative juices flow. Reduce, reuse recycle, compost, donate, share and do just about everything you can to have a safe, eco-friendly and above all, a more meaningful celebration. 

Wanted: Homely Girl for Broadminded Boy

She made garam garam rotis and paneer for him. He liked to eat out.

She broke into a sweat making gajar ka halwa and pakoras. He hated greasy food.

She ironed his clothes perfectly. He loved the wrinkles and creases.

She scrubbed herself clean and powdered herself. He loved the smell of sweat.

She went to the parlour to make herself attractive. He hardly noticed.

She flaunted her mangalsutra and sindoor. He found them too loud.

She quit her job to take care of his needs better. He found it too odd.

She cleaned the house. He felt the home smelled of a hospital.

She never asked him for any gifts. He waited for her to say what she wanted.

She mindlessly obeyed her in-laws. He wanted her to think and act independently.

She invited relatives on Sundays and treated them well. He wanted to go out for a movie.

She was unhappy that he never acknowledged her effort. Then one day her friend advised her to be herself.

She ordered pizza and chocolate mousse.

She did not clean, cook or iron.

She stopped her parlour visits.

The mangalsutra was locked away in the cupboard.

She applied for a job.

She made some plans for a trip together.

She was contemplating the idea of appointing a maid.

He cried foul and called his mother.

Blind Love

They were in love. They had decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Like any other couple their hearts were full of hopes and dreams of a blissful life ahead. They had accepted each other- the rainbow colours and the greys of their being. They walked hand in hand in the local park, dined out, went on romantic dates and drove around the city. They were truly happy.

They knew that their parents and others in their lives would never be happy about this relation. They knew all along that there would be a lot of questions to be answered, doubts to be cleared and whispers to be ignored. But they couldn't help getting involved. They felt it was a match made in heaven, with the blessings of all the powerful forces they believed in.

They decided to take the plunge and let their parents know. At first, there would be an outburst, but later they would definitely calm down. He was excited…and anxious. He left his office an hour early to break the news to his mother. She would surely understand. He could confide in her, the deepest of his secrets.

 As he reached home he saw his parents talking to each other animatedly in the study. As he inched closer to the door he went numb. It was as if all the warm blood running through him had suddenly crystallized into sharp needles that were tearing him apart from inside.  The words of his mother resonated in his head,” We will become the laughing stock of the town. Many people are suspicious. They have told me about their doubts. Our son is gay!”

G-A-Y. Could his life, his love story be confined and trashed mercilessly in those three wretched letters which when put together became synonymous to abnormality and shame? He silently turned away feeling cheated, defeated.

 Later his mother would show him some photos of eligible girls from which he would pick one randomly.